So, this has been a strange year so far. I say that because I feel as if my life has been in a constant state of change. Comfort and ease have taken a backseat to upheaval and struggle. Not that I'm complaining. Some changes have been wonderful. But, some naturally have been hard and have brought a touch of unhappiness and stress. Fortunately, however, I am blessed to be able to look at the sunny side.
I have so many opportunities and chances to do great and fun things. I am fortunate to have friends who support me no matter what (canceling out those who do not care what is best for me as it would inconvenience them in some way). I have the best family in the world, who, although they want to hang onto me forever (and I them, really) support my choices and are my biggest cheerleaders. I'm very lucky in that way.
I was thinking about change because of something I read recently. The author was speaking about his life as if he had to change his life to make him a better person or a more acceptable version of himself. He also talked a lot about doing so for the sake of his religion, which I won't address further here, except to say that it drives me crazy that an institution that is supposed to be about love and grace and peace tears people down and makes them feel somehow less content and happy in their lives. I don't care if I'm a sinner. I am and I accept that. And, I would like to believe that God loves me anyway. He created me in his image and I am flawed, so why would he punish me for that? It just makes me sad to see people beat themselves up for not being perfect in the eyes of the church because the church, in my opinion, does not tend to reflect what I believe God is. Anyway, moving on. I was thinking that it was sad that this person felt he needs to overhaul his life to be a "better person" and happier somehow. If you have to force yourself to change in some unnatural way, are you not lying to yourself? It's a false sense of peace. You aren't happy with your life and yourself because you've forced yourself to become someone you are not. Can't we just learn to love ourselves as we are? Can't we be thankful for the being that we have become through pain and mistakes and love and laughter? I choose to be me. I am definitely flawed and definitely have work to do to improve myself. I'm not saying there is no room for improvement, but I don't think changing the essence of yourself to accommodate this ideal is good.
So, today, I am thankful for being me. I am thankful for my life and the person that I have become. I am thankful for my flaws as well as my talents. I am thankful for the love I have and love I have lost. I am thankful for each sunrise and sunset. I am thankful. I am thankful. I am thankful.
I love you all,