Today, though, I just felt like writing. I wanted to write about my meditation for the week. I've been meditating a lot on forgiveness. I'm struggling with it lately and it seems strange to me because I am someone whose natural instinct is to forgive, mainly due to the fact that I would rather look past whatever unkindness or mistake that someone has made than to lose their friendship. But, I've faced certain situations lately that I've found very difficult to find forgiveness in my heart, and that kills me. I'm wrought with frustration and anger and it literally tears me apart.
So, I've been sitting with this idea of forgiveness a lot lately. And then, as if by some sort of divine intervention, I stumbled upon a sermon on the internet by Br. Michael Williams in which he talks about forgiving your enemies. He quotes a book in which the author likens refusing to forgive to drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die. This image really hit me like a sack of bricks because through all the frustration and anger and hurt I've been feeling lately, I know for a fact that the people who are hurting me are feeling nothing as a result. I'm not hurting them by holding on to all this pain in my heart. I'm only hurting myself. So, why do that? They are going to be no worse off by my not forgiving but by my forgiveness I can release myself from the pain I am feeling and they, in turn, are receiving positive energy that maybe they need to be better, kinder people and I want that for them. I want my enemies to learn compassion and love. Because, it is the right thing and because maybe through learning loving compassion they will cease to cause conflict and return to a place of kindness in my life. But, that's a maybe and I can't count on it so I am simply going to wish them well and forgive and let go, regardless of what the return is. I will love and wish joy on all my enemies because they deserve it just as much as I do and maybe need it more than I do.
Because it is the right thing to do. Because it is all that I can do. Because if I don't, I am hurting no one but myself. Because everyone deserves love and forgiveness.
So, I encourage all of you on this New Year's Eve to search your soul and consider what grudges and pain you're holding in your heart toward and because of another person or even yourself. Breathe in a little peace and send out a lot of love as you exhale. Forgive, and start 2011 with a heart that is free from the heaviness that lies there and give love to all. What better way to start a new year than through love?!
I love you all.
Happy New Year!