Struggling

Today, my gratitude has been a bit of a struggle. I feel extremely conflicted about many of the aspects of my life today. I don't quite know where to go or what to do or how to feel or who to be. It's extremely frustrating and I spent my drive from work to home today in tears because I just feel totally lost. But, I am thankful for those quiet moments in my car and the tears because they give me a chance to release all that is bound up inside me and to just rail at the world without the world railing back.

I am also seriously missing my former Nashville life lately, which is a huge part of my state of conflict I think. I just need to be with my family and my friends at home sometimes and as I become a person who is not moving forward but is growing into this one place, it becomes increasingly more difficult to go home. But, again, I am thankful to have "families" in Chattanooga who love me and who I so love, who give me hugs and tell me I'm being crazy or awesome or stupid or whatever. I am also lucky to have a home in Nashville and a life in Chattanooga. I was reminded yesterday that "home" for some does not exist, so I am incredibly grateful to have a home at all. It's a blessing that we often take for granted.

Anyway, this blog was a little less happy than my usual tomes but I just needed to release some of that frustration and sadness and remind myself of all the things I have to be grateful for!

I love you all!

xoxo

Hayley