Hey folks! Welcome back from blog-hiatus to me!
So, I'm going to tell y'all an embarrassing story so that I can explain why I felt compelled to write this blog. Today, I got a severe blow to my ego and just totally fell apart. And, to be honest, I'm sort of prone to this. It's not one of my personality traits that I'm particularly proud of, but I can at least recognize and admit that it happens, which, I think, is the first step to overcoming it. Anyway, as I was walking into a yoga class, a lady yells across the room (in front of several other people) and asks how many months along I am. My mind raced, my heart sped up and I could feel my heart sink down to my toes. I was totally humiliated. And, in an effort to save face, I simply said, "Um, zero." She began sort of uncomfortably laughing and apologizing and I just kept saying "It's fine. Don't worry about it," when, in fact, I felt far from "fine." I felt like crawling under a rock and never coming out.
So, as is also in my nature, I cried and went home and posted a cryptic message about the incident on Facebook. I got a ton of replies from people who were ready to come to my defense: with baseball bats, fists of fury and quick-witted slights. It was both, hilarious and touching. And, it was what I really needed in that moment.
What I was fortunate to see in that long list of offers to knock people in the kneecaps was that I am so loved and that is all that truly matters in my life. It's very easy for me to get caught up in the bullshit of what I look like and how I compare to the women around me, and it makes no sense because what I am ultimately wanting is love and respect and I have that in spades.
There is no end to the gratitude I feel for the people in my life. They are beautiful inside and out and I am incredibly lucky to know them. They'd go to the mat for me and I hope they know that if the tables were turned, I'd do the same for them.
I love you all so much and am so blessed by your presence in my life. Thank you for making a day that could've wrecked me instead lift me up.
Namaste.
Hayley
You're so cool for sharing this. This has happened to me COUNTLESS times, when I was not pregnant, just so ya know... you are NOT alone!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part is your last sentence. Lately I've been hit pretty hard by the lesson that the really uncomfortable and even downright rotten moments are just as important along the journey as the blissful and uplifting moments. Maybe more important, as these are the fires with so much potential to burn away ego. Huge potential to empower ourselves by saying "yes" to these moments and not just the easy ones. Looking for what we can potentially learn from them really helps, and that this day magnified for you the truth of how supported you are... rocks. i'm not surprised you have so many great friends Hayley!