Be happy. It starts with a choice.

Hello, friends.

I have a pressing issue to address. It's called a lack of joy and it seems to be all around lately. I keep reading and hearing about people who are just in utter despair. They are stories of hopelessness and desperation and it breaks my heart to know that so many suffer so greatly.

But, I also hear stories of great hope. There are people in this world who are working tirelessly to bring hope and joy and peace to their lives and the lives of others, even in the midst of their own personal turmoil.

Now, on a large scale, change is difficult, but fortunately, joy can be found in the smallest of things. It starts with a choice. I will choose to be happy. I will choose to find joy in even the most frustrating and sorrowful moments of my life. I will look for something to be thankful for, and there is always something.

I'll give you an example. Last week my car wasn't stopping the way it should. I would jam the brakes and it would still roll forward. So, I took it into the shop and paid $650 for things that clearly needed to be fixed, but I was not happy to pay so much. I was even less happy when that did not solve the problem and I had to take it back and pay another $390 to fix the actual problem. Let me tell you, my potty mouth was uncontrollable that day. Not to mention the face that I had to leave my car overnight and beg rides off people which I hate. Then, when it was fixed, I had to walk 45 minutes in 100 degree heat to get it.

If you know me, you know I pretty much despise sweat and heat in general. So, I was basically miserable and pissed off as I walked to the garage. But, as I was walking, a song came on my iPod that goes "Where there's a will there's always a way. Keepin your eyes on that mountain top. One step at a time, don't ever, ever stop. Keep going when your mind says quit. Keep dreaming til you find you're living it," and I thought to myself "This is my mountain at this moment and I have a pair of good legs that can carry me where I'm going. I am able to get where I'm going despite the fact that it's inconvenient." And suddenly, a lot of my frustration went away. I hit the repeat button on my iPod and I smiled and walked a little faster.

The point is, I could've allowed myself to dwell on all the little things that had gone wrong, but I didn't. I didn't want to poison my thoughts with negativity and make myself miserable. There's a quote by Francesca Reigler that says "Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable or happy. The amount of work is the same." I think it's a perfect quote to tuck away in our pockets. If we have to work hard anyway, we might as well enjoy it.

So, I am encouraging myself and anyone who may be reading this to try to find one small thing to be grateful for today. What can you turn joyful by making the choice to find gratitude? If nothing else, just know that I love you and if I can give you any ounce of joy, you know I will!

Love and light,

Hayley

The ego has landed

Hello cats and kittens,

I'm back.

Today was a total shit-storm for most of the day. Let's recap, shall we? I overslept, having my boss call me (waking me out of my coma-like slumber) because fortunately she was there to check everyone in. So I run like a maniac to get there and forget my security tag for BCBS, where I was subbing a class. So, I borrow Jessica's (as I have a million times before) but I get stopped at security for having on someone else's badge. They call the head of security and I proceed to have a nervous breakdown. Then, I take my car to the garage because something is wrong with the brakes. I get there and am told I also need new tires about a month ago so I should get them now. $650 later, I have new tires, rotors and rear brakes. Well, at least I won't have a fiery car crash from bad brakes. :/

So, anyway, to get to the gratitude portion of the post (after all, that is supposed to be the point of this blog, you know) I get to my class at the RUSH tonight and I am totally run down and sort of depressed but I am determined not to make my class suffer so I suck it up and teach, making positivity my mantra for the class. Afterward, as I am leaving, the girl at the front desk says "Are you Hayley?" And I think to myself "Oh, shit, what now?", but respond "Yes, why?" She says "This guy just told me that you're awesome and he put a note about you on the bulletin board. You should go read it!" So, I go to the bulletin board and he's written a note that says "I have been taking yoga for the last 5 months and Hayley is by far your best teacher."

Now, I know that I should take my ego out of things, but after a day like today, being paid a compliment like that seriously made my day. Plus, it reminded me that I do something that I really believe in and it actually means something to people. I was so proud and grateful in that moment. I'll probably fall asleep smiling about it tonight. It really meant the world to me.

Anyway, I'm off to bed now. A long day deserves a long night's sleep. I love you all.

H

Small victories

Today I am thankful for small victories. Perhaps that's not exactly the best way to phrase that, but it seems like a succinct and generally useful phrase, so I'm going with it. Sorry.

It's very easy to take for granted the little things. It's also amazing how something small can make a big impact. I was so taken aback today by something that happened at work. A lady that comes into the yoga studio pretty regularly had come in Friday with her children, unaware that we had cancelled childcare for the day. She was visibly upset when she found out that we didn't have childcare and so I offered to watch them while I worked so that she could take class. It didn't seem like a big deal and I like kids so, to me, it was really no problem. We sat on the floor and drew pictures and giggled and had fun in our own little world.

Today, she came to take class and handed me a card. It expressed how grateful she was for me to have been willing to watch her children so that she could take class. She has had a lot going on lately and said her practice has been sporadic and she really needed to take class that day and it meant a lot to her for me to agree to watch her kids. It really touched me and reminded me that I may not be a traveling mercenary or some kind of amazing philanthropist, but I can help people and touch their lives in some way, no matter how small the gesture. It was an amazing moment of awakening. We can give someone a gift simply by being in the right place at the right time. We can give someone a gift simply by being. It's the small victories that lead to big changes and learning that lesson today was a small victory but it's giving me an opening to make bigger efforts to bring smiles to peoples' faces.

I am thankful for today. I am thankful for sweet little boys who kept my drawings because they had fun playing on the floor of the yoga studio. I am thankful for life lessons. And I am thankful that each sun rise gives me an opportunity to grow.

I love you.

xoxo,

Hayley

Love and marriage and Wade and peace

The last few days have been amazing, in a number of ways both good and thought-provoking. Let's start by talking about Katie and Gordon getting married (!). Katie and Gordon were married yesterday in a beautiful service at St. Peter and Paul in Chattanooga. It was followed by a fun reception at the Grandview and a late-night snack for me at the Terminal with Pamela, Robyn and Josh, her boy. It was such a special and weird time for me. I am so incredibly thrilled for Katie and Gordon. They are beautiful people that I adore and I am so excited that they have committed to be with one another forever. It's amazing. I think it's so beautiful and extraordinary and at the same time, terrifying. They are definitely different people than me. I am sort of freaking out about having married friends. I don't feel like I'm old enough for that. I also had the striking sense of being left behind while at the wedding. Not that I didn't enjoy myself. It was fun and I loved all of Katie and Gordon's friends but I had the distinct awareness that I was one of the very few single people there. I sort of feel like I'm behind in some way. It's a little bit scary. But, then, I think to myself that my path doesn't include another person at this point in my life and theirs do. It's just a different way of living. I have to just keep reminding myself that right relationships come with time and that I move at my own pace and live my life with my heart open and that's ok.

Second of all, I have to talk about Wade Morrissette. Wade came to teach at NSY on Thursday and I have never been so inspired. Wade is incredible and he really filled my heart. I love him and am incredibly grateful for that. I also had the pleasure of getting to spend two hours in a car with him driving to Nashville and he is hilarious, totally down-to-earth and unpretentious. He is someone that I absolutely admire and will seek out for inspiration and influence from now on. I am so lucky to have gotten to meet him. I have so many more things to say but I'll have to edit later because I am literally falling asleep. :p

I love you all and I'm grateful for you.

xoxo,

Hayley

I get by with a little help from my friends

There's not a lot I know for sure, but I do know that my life is made infinitely better by the people I am fortunate enough to spend it with. There seems to be no real rhyme or reason in life but, I am convinced, to love. Our tangible worlds are just that, so it seems that the only infallible possession we have is love. Now, you may argue that people lose love all the time; they fall out of love, they die, but I would have to disagree. Love lives in our hearts always. Sometimes, relationships change and that love changes, but it's always there. We love because that is what we are made to do.

I am fortunate to love and to be loved by a lot of amazing people. They are people who pick me up when I am down; people who sing songs; people who smile and laugh and hug and tell foul jokes. They are the ones I would walk through fire for. They are the ones who make my life worth living.

To those I love, know that I am always grateful to you. I am indebted to you for all the times I felt like giving up and I found you smiling at me or hugging me or simply existing in my mind, reminding me of what I have to go to if I need it. I love you and I am honored and overjoyed to be loved by you. You are why I wake up in the morning. I love you.

xoxo

Hayley

Nashville, my home.

Last week an unimaginable tragedy struck my hometown. The sky opened up and, as Chicken Little foretold, fell. Innumerable people lost their homes, cars and/or other possessions. A few even lost their lives. The photos are distressing and the reality is devastating.

I am so grateful that my family was fortunate enough to avoid any damage. But, some of our dear friends have lost everything. My mom's best friend, for example. It's heartbreaking and what hurts the most is knowing that it's out of your hands. There was nothing that could've been done. Mother Nature chose for us in this instance. We were helpless to defend against this tragedy and we're left feeling numb and lost and powerless.

As you drive along the streets, you see peoples' soggy possessions piled up in their front yards, waiting to be hauled off. It's incredibly surreal and it makes me wonder about the lives that have acquired these things. How do they go on now? How do they look back and not see a gaping hole where there used to be a home? How do they keep from crying when they reach for the photographs that are ruined and the knick-knacks that are collecting mold? It may not be my reality but my heart aches for those people and it makes me seriously think about what's important in my own life. What can I stand to give up? What would be too much to lose? As I survey my small but happy life, I see a plethora of things I could lose without too much strife but I can feel my heartstrings snap at the thought of losing others. What would I do? How would I overcome that sort of hurt?

I am thankful for my life and my family. I am thankful for all of the things I am fortunate to have and all of the memories I am fortunate to hang on to regardless of the "things" that are perishable. But, I'm still heartbroken for those whose "things" are gone and who rely on those to remind them of their memories. It's beyond my understanding what that must feel like. My heart goes out to each and every one of them and I am profoundly humbled by the community that has come together in Nashville to support one another. It's beauty in the face of sorrow. I love my town.

I love you all,

Hayley

Pain and Promise

Hello, all.

Today I have a lot of things on my mind. I know I call this my grati-blog, and I have things to be grateful about today, as every day, but I also need to just get some things off my mind.

First of all, I am so thankful for repaired friendships. Thursday night, I spent a really long stretch of time chatting with a friend that I've in the recent past had a strained relationship with. We were in some sort of freeze out and I think the world of him so it had really bothered me. He's someone that I love to sit and talk to. He's kind, smart, talented, interesting and just fun to be around. I totally love bouncing thoughts back and forth with him, so when we were having our issue, I was really bummed. But, Thursday night, we got back to where we were. It was so awesome. I'm really grateful that things have a way of working themselves out.

I have also reconnected with someone that I so love and that has had a rough go of it in the past year. He's trying to work out his life and I'm so happy for him but it breaks my heart to know that he's doing so without me. It's really killing me, but I want more than anything to see him happy so I have to just forget how I feel and put my energy into being happy for him and hoping for the best in his life. Mine will be fine. I know that. I just really miss him.

I'm also very thankful for all of the people I'm lucky enough to spend my time with in Chattanooga. They are people who love me and take such good care of me. They are people I go to when I'm sad and who make things fun for when I am happy and who help heal my loneliness. But, it's getting harder and harder to be here. I love my life, but there are so many things that I miss about home and so many opportunities I'm afraid I may be missing by not moving on. Chattanooga was always supposed to be just a stopping point. I was never supposed to stay and now I'm starting to fear that if I don't leave soon, I never will.

I am also extremely frustrated with a certain aspect of my life in which the people involved seem to have no faith in me, whatsoever. I feel like I am being constantly doubted and scrutinized and it's suffocating. It makes me feel incompetent and inadequate and it tempers an aspect of my life that used to bring me so much joy. I hate that it's ruining that source of happiness. And what really hurts is that I keep choosing to let it happen; to stay in that situation. I am too worried about the uncertainty to move on. I should just suck it up and let go of what makes me unhappy but it's really really hard and there are a lot of things I do love about it. Who knows. But, to give it up would most likely mean giving up a lot of other things and I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. Who knows.

Finally, I am so happy and thankful for Enchanted April and the Chattanooga Theatre Centre. No matter what the problems are in my life, when I get to the theatre I have two hours to be someone else. Someone who doesn't have my problems. Someone who makes me forget what it means to be me. I love that feeling. It's the greatest escape ever.

I have to go now. I love you all.

Hayley

Change and Happiness

Good morning!

So, this has been a strange year so far. I say that because I feel as if my life has been in a constant state of change. Comfort and ease have taken a backseat to upheaval and struggle. Not that I'm complaining. Some changes have been wonderful. But, some naturally have been hard and have brought a touch of unhappiness and stress. Fortunately, however, I am blessed to be able to look at the sunny side.

I have so many opportunities and chances to do great and fun things. I am fortunate to have friends who support me no matter what (canceling out those who do not care what is best for me as it would inconvenience them in some way). I have the best family in the world, who, although they want to hang onto me forever (and I them, really) support my choices and are my biggest cheerleaders. I'm very lucky in that way.

I was thinking about change because of something I read recently. The author was speaking about his life as if he had to change his life to make him a better person or a more acceptable version of himself. He also talked a lot about doing so for the sake of his religion, which I won't address further here, except to say that it drives me crazy that an institution that is supposed to be about love and grace and peace tears people down and makes them feel somehow less content and happy in their lives. I don't care if I'm a sinner. I am and I accept that. And, I would like to believe that God loves me anyway. He created me in his image and I am flawed, so why would he punish me for that? It just makes me sad to see people beat themselves up for not being perfect in the eyes of the church because the church, in my opinion, does not tend to reflect what I believe God is. Anyway, moving on. I was thinking that it was sad that this person felt he needs to overhaul his life to be a "better person" and happier somehow. If you have to force yourself to change in some unnatural way, are you not lying to yourself? It's a false sense of peace. You aren't happy with your life and yourself because you've forced yourself to become someone you are not. Can't we just learn to love ourselves as we are? Can't we be thankful for the being that we have become through pain and mistakes and love and laughter? I choose to be me. I am definitely flawed and definitely have work to do to improve myself. I'm not saying there is no room for improvement, but I don't think changing the essence of yourself to accommodate this ideal is good.

So, today, I am thankful for being me. I am thankful for my life and the person that I have become. I am thankful for my flaws as well as my talents. I am thankful for the love I have and love I have lost. I am thankful for each sunrise and sunset. I am thankful. I am thankful. I am thankful.

I love you all,

Hayley

A happy weekend amidst the chaos...

Hello, loyal friends and readers! Happy Sunday (almost Monday)!

I cannot sleep despite being exhausted, so I was laying awake thinking about my weekend and feeling so grateful! Despite a few unpleasant interactions, I had a really wonderful weekend!

Friday night, Moon Slew played a party for Hill Craddock at the Chattanooga Nature center, which was super fun, as it was a beautiful night and singing is always fun! Plus, Jim and Rhonda were there, and they are some of my very favorite people! Also, I am counting my blessings because as I was leaving the Nature Center a deer ran out in front of my car and I stopped short and managed to not hit him. I am SO incredibly thankful for that and was also in awe of how sort of majestic the sight of the deer was. I don't know that I've ever been that close to a deer before. It was beautiful.

Saturday was a lovely day. I spent the afternoon with BJ up on Lookout Mountain. We went to Rock City so that we could be tourists, and then we spent some time out on Sunset Rock singing and just being. It was really amazing because it was such a beautiful day and that is my favorite point in all of Chattanooga and BJ is such an amazing musician and sweet soul. It was really a great day. Then, I got to go and meet my Katie-did and her Gordon at Hair of the Dog where we got to sit on the patio and enjoy the Spring Equinox air. :) It was lovely. They are some of my favorite people and I love when they are in town. They are going to be married in June and I am so excited for them and feel all the while very afraid that having married friends means I am officially a grown-up. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I am grateful to have friends like them, married or not! :p

After that, I headed to the Mudpie where I got to chat with Mike and Gail for a bit. I know I have mentioned them before, but I really can't stress enough how much I love them. They are two of the most wonderfully kind, generous, fun people you will ever meet and I am so lucky they have sort of "adopted" me. Gail has become my confidant and champion and I love her so much for that!! I am grateful, grateful, grateful for Gail and Mike!

Today was perfectly nice as well, even though one might not guess it. I spent most of the day waiting tables at PF Chang's. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and I think that is certainly the case for me with the Chang Bang. I love the people I work with there and I had a relatively easy shift where I walked away with a not-too-shabby little cash roll. I am very lucky and grateful to have stayed on such good terms with Chang's that they let me pick-up when I need to. This is officially the 5th year I have worked for them and I am happy to be there!

After that, I had dinner at the Terminal with Butch, who has a tendency to be annoyingly right about a lot of things. I give him a hard time, but I genuinely love him and am grateful to be his friend. He has stood by me and been on my side and listened to my trials and tribulations and been very patient and supportive for many months now. I may get annoyed with him periodically (read: every day. wink wink) but for the most part I am totally glad to have him in my life.

Finally, I had play rehearsal tonight, which is like going home. The CTC was the first place in Chattanooga that I ever felt like I belonged. It is where I feel comfortable and safe and whole. I love every moment I spend there and am so grateful to be in a show with such an amazing and kind and funny group of people. I am also blessed to be working with Br. Ron again, who inspires me every day to look beyond the obvious and reach out to those who need love and support and encouragement. I don't know of any other person who inspires me more. And finally, I love Mitchell McCain. He has been nothing but a source of love and fun and friendship for me since we met and I just love him more and more by the minute. He is a prominent member of my Chattanooga family and getting to see him night after night in rehearsal is one of the best parts of being involved in this show!!

Anyway, long story longer, I am so grateful to know all the people I know and love all the people I love!! I love you all!! Have a happy Monday!!!

xoxo,

Hayley

Struggling

Today, my gratitude has been a bit of a struggle. I feel extremely conflicted about many of the aspects of my life today. I don't quite know where to go or what to do or how to feel or who to be. It's extremely frustrating and I spent my drive from work to home today in tears because I just feel totally lost. But, I am thankful for those quiet moments in my car and the tears because they give me a chance to release all that is bound up inside me and to just rail at the world without the world railing back.

I am also seriously missing my former Nashville life lately, which is a huge part of my state of conflict I think. I just need to be with my family and my friends at home sometimes and as I become a person who is not moving forward but is growing into this one place, it becomes increasingly more difficult to go home. But, again, I am thankful to have "families" in Chattanooga who love me and who I so love, who give me hugs and tell me I'm being crazy or awesome or stupid or whatever. I am also lucky to have a home in Nashville and a life in Chattanooga. I was reminded yesterday that "home" for some does not exist, so I am incredibly grateful to have a home at all. It's a blessing that we often take for granted.

Anyway, this blog was a little less happy than my usual tomes but I just needed to release some of that frustration and sadness and remind myself of all the things I have to be grateful for!

I love you all!

xoxo

Hayley

Crash, bang, boom!

Well, this is going to start out as a rant, but there IS gratitude involved, so bear with me. Yesterday, I woke up and left my apartment to go to work, only to find that some ass-hat had hit a car which then hit my car in the night. I knew this because the car was still in contact with my car when I found it. Great.

There's more story to tell, but I won't continue. Suffice it to say that we found the ass-hat who hit us and they will now be paying out the nose to fix two cars and is slapped with a citation for leaving the scene of an accident. So, she can suck it.

So, anyway, back to gratitude. I was reminded yesterday that I am very fortunate in this situation. I got home at 2am. Had I been much later, I might have been in the car when she hit it... on the road... or had circumstances been different she may have hit someone else (while she was undoubtedly drunk). I am grateful that my car isn't totaled. I am grateful that she didn't hurt anyone.

I am also so grateful for the people in my life. I've had so many people call or give me hugs or just generally give me love for my icky day and I'm just so proud/happy/lucky to have them in my life. I love you all.

xoxo,

Hayley

I love a challenge.

Today, I am thankful for challenges. It's very easy in my life for me to freak out when things don't go my way. Lately, some things in my life are definitely not going my way. BUT, here is where the thankful part comes in. Because things have not gone right for me now, I have a thousand doors open to me. Because I am not tied down by the demands of one of my missed opportunities, I am now at Liberty to do anything I want, move anywhere at any time. It's extremely liberating and, between you and me, I feel like a change is gonna come that is better than I can even expect and soon. It's exciting! Sort of. It's also scary as hell, but I'm thankful for the opportunities yet to come anyway.

:)
Love you!

SUNSHINE!!!

Sorry I have been so bad at keeping up with this blog. It has been a very hectic beginning of the year, let me tell ya!!

But, hey, I am overwhelmed with gratitude today because for the first time in what feels like an absolute ETERNITY(!) the sun is shining and there is only a slight chill in the air and it is absolutely beautiful and is just making me smile from ear to ear!

I worked this morning for Blue Coast and I spent the entire two hours I was out walking to my various stops. It was amazingly serene, even though I was working. I got to enjoy the sunshine, get a little exercise and help promote my new place of work! The only downside is that I kept getting honked at, which actually is a little bit of an ego boost despite the creepy factor! What a great morning!

I also took a walk to the bookstore on Frazier Ave. and after I passed the Mudpie I had a text from Travis asking if I had just passed the Mudpie! So, I got to spend the lunchtime with Travis while we listened to Jordan play and then I got to go to the bookstore (one of my favorite activities) and buy a book I've been wanting!

All in all, it's just been a lovely day so far. Plus, I have been feeling so much love lately, I am just beyond words. I can't even adequately describe how much I love the people in my life!

Special shout-out today for Gail Lindsey, who just makes me feel like the coolest gal in town and who is so amazing and supportive not only of me, but of everyone in our little circle of musicians and artists and friends. She is at the center of a really wonderful group and I just love her and am so grateful to have her in my life!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day! Get out and enjoy the sunshine! Or at least open your blinds!!

xoxo,
Hayley

Namaste, y'all!!

I am SO excited to announce that I am officially a yoga teacher!! Yesterday I received my certification from Dolly Stavros and I could not be more thrilled! I am so grateful for this goal to be realized! Dolly rocks and my teammates rock and I am just beside myself with joy and gratitude! I love you all!

xoxo,
Hayley

Opportunities Abound

I know it's been a minute since I last posted, but I've been a busy girl! Plus, I had to put myself in time-out for a little while on account of sometimes a Cruzan bucket makes you say stupid things to people you are attracted to. :p Aaaaaaannnnyyyywwwwaaaayyyyy, I am so thankful for several things today.

First, I am so thankful for my band. We had a BLAST last night playing at Lindsay Street. I am so proud of what we are doing and I just love my band more than just about anything. They are my family and I am absolutely so lucky to be a part of that group!

Second of all, I am so thankful for opportunities that have begun to present themselves. I have a tendency to overthink and overplan my life and sometimes things crop up and remind me that I am 23 years old and I have the ability at this moment to take advantage of those opportunities. It's easy to think "Why do I not have some fabulous grown-up career?" or "Why don't I have some fabulous grown-up boyfriend?" or even "fiance" or "Why do I not know where I want to live and work and love?" But, all of those things mean that some part of me would have to settle down at this moment and I am at an age that makes me able and free to explore and go on adventures and that's awesome! I am so fortunate to be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want and have to answer only to myself and my sense of adventure. It's kind of exciting, really.

Finally I am so thankful for my health and my life in general. I have recently been rocked by the reality of health problems. I keep reminding myself that I am so incredibly fortunate to have a body that can do just about anything I ask of it, I am healthy and strong and I have people who love and support me. That is so important and we have a tendency to forget, I think. It's easy to forget how important good health is until you don't have it anymore.

In closing, as always, life is good and I am so thankful for every moment of it.

Light and Love,

Hayley

A quiet night at home

Today I'm thankful for being able to do nothing all day long. Now, I could be sort of bummed that I did basically nothing all day but it's been nice. I spent the morning chatting and laughing with my mom and then I came back to Chattanooga and watched a Big Bang Theory marathon, talked to Christian and made some plans. It was lovely to just sort of veg out in my sweats. So, this may not be the most exciting bit of gratitude, but nonetheless, I am thankful. I love you.

xoxo,
Hayley

Happy 2010!!!!

Enter 2010!

And I entered it with a bang! Last night was amazing. I got to be in Nashville. I went to a party with Ape. Then, I chatted with Butch for a while on the phone, went to Riverfront park and watched the guitar drop, ran into Mikey B. and Tosha on the street as everyone cheered and sang and the fireworks lit up the night, walked to the Ryman because my cell phone died and I was afraid I'd not be able to find Jamie and Bryan and I ran into Geoff, met up with Jamie and Bryan, went to Rippy's with Jamie and drank and laughed and had a generally awesome time just hanging out, saw Patrick M. and Jamie-Jam W., got hit on by a hilariously creepy dude, and then passed out for a bit at a hotel downtown, got up to get my car at 5:30am, drove home where mom had locked the deadbolt so I slept in the car for two hours and finally got in. All in all, a rockin' good night!

I am just so thankful for a New Year, I can't contain myself! Not that 2009 wasn't a wonderful year for me but I am just grateful to have a new year to have big adventures, big accomplishments, failures to learn from, opportunities to fall in love, people to befriend, songs to sing and have more love to share.

This posting will have two parts: I'd like to start it by recapping why I loved and am thankful for 2009 and will end with a little list of my goals for the year 2010 (or resolutions as you may call them).

2009 was an amazing year for me on so many levels. Sure, there were stresses and setbacks, sadnesses and disappointments, but for the most part 2009 was extremely good for me in that:

1. For the first time in the three years that I've lived in Chattanooga, I began to really begin to enjoy it. I finally found my place in this town.

2. In February, I got to be a part of "Company" at the CTC. This was such a blessing for me in that it got me involved at CTC again, which I so missed, and introduced me to some of the people I would come to love deeply this year: Brother Ron, Mitchell, Andrew, Anne, and, of course, Scott. These are the people I go to when I need a little love and who I have love for en mass.

5. Around March/April, Jessica finally invited me to come and play music with her, effectively beginning Moon Slew. I am SO incredibly thankful for Jessica and for Moon Slew on so many levels, especially in that they have become my Chattanooga family. We are literally like brothers and sisters. I love having them in my life.

Being a part of this band and the music scene in this town has been such a joy for me. I get to do something that I absolutely love and I have made some of the best friends in the world! It's also really given me the opportunity to become extremely involved in my community. I know so many people now that I almost never go anywhere alone. I almost certainly can expect to see someone I know whenever I go out. It's really incredibly cool and comforting. It's been amazing to watch my lonliness sort of disappear.

On a personal level, it has also done such wonders for me in terms of self-confidence and love. I have had such a hard time in the past with being self-deprecating and shy and this year has given me so much confidence and comfort in my own skin. It's truly amazing.

6. In June, I got to play Diana Messerschmann in "Ring Round the Moon" at the CTC. I loved every moment of it. It was the first play I've ever done and it was such fun! And, once again, I made some incredibly close friends in Joanna, Jonathan, Chad, Lisa, John, Shanelle and, of course expanded my love for Scott, Br. Ron, and Mitchell. It was an amazing experience.

7. Also in June and July, I interned at CTC and got to spend every day falling more and more in love with the theatre and becoming involved in every aspect. It was a really fun experience. I am so fortunate to live in a town with such a great community theatre.

8. For 4th of July we went to Moon Slew. I have all kinds of things I could share about this trip, but I'll keep it to myself. Suffice it to say, it was enough fun that I felt I needed to mention it.

9. In August I graduated from college. I have never been so relieved in all my life, but it has been a scary transition. I'm thankful for all of the potential I have, though. I can literally go just about anywhere from here once I take that first step and it's exciting! I'm thankful for that.

10. Also in August, I went to the beach with mom and the Twinkies (which is always fun) and then started working at North Shore Yoga. NSY has been such a blessing in my life. Despite what it has done for my body and my spirit, it has also introduced me to a slew of wonderful, kind, beautiful people who I now count as my friends. I love being a part of that community. It's been a life-saver in more ways than I can even disclose.

11. In September I started Yoga Teacher Training with Dolly Stavros. It's truly scary taking such a risk but I am so proud of what I've accomplished so far and I count Dolly as one of my greatest role models. She is unnaturally cool. She's not even of this world. I aspire to achieve some iota of her coolness someday. There just aren't words for how much I admire and love Dolly. Plus, I am training with a group of the strongest, most beautiful souls I have ever met. They are amazing!

12. In October, I got to go to New York with Scott and Stacy. It was an eye-opening trip for me. I won't go into much of it because I have so much to say about it, but I will highlight the best part. Scott and I went to see Hair on Broadway and it literally changed my life. I have never loved a show as much as I loved Hair. It was literally the most incredible theatre experience o my life. AND Scott and I danced onstage with the amazingly talented cast. It was UNREAL. I will never forget it.

13. I turned 23 in November. No big deal. Although, my birthday party was FUUUUUNNNNN!!!!

14. Finally, December has been lovely. Moon Slew played a gig or two, I sang at Butch's Xmas show and got mentioned in Casey's column (how cool?!) and I got to come home and spend a week with my family and best friends. Really really lovely.

All in all, I have very few complaints about '09. I am happy.

PART 2:

I have a few Resolutions to share: (Well, I have a lot of resolutions but I'll keep most of them to myself. I just feel like mentioning these because I think they're the most important.)

1. Actively pursue my dreams.

2. Smile as often as possible.

3. Laugh every day.

4. Love everybody, but don't allow myself to be hurt by those who don't love me back. Protect my heart.

5. Tell someone every day that I love them.

6. Hug someone every day.

7. Forgive myself for my shortcomings.

8. Forgive those who have hurt me.

9. Sweat once a day. ;)

10. Be content with being alone, if necessary.

11. Dance as often as possible.

12. Be a light in the lives of others. Don't inflict darkness.

13. Take more risks and be content no matter the outcome.

14. Practice yoga as often as possible.

Those are just a few on a long list of very specific things. These are more abstract and meaningful to me.

I hope you all have a wonderful year! I love you and am so thankful for you!!

xoxo

Hayley

This Christmas, I gave you my heart...

I am so thankful for my home, friends and family that have made this such a wonderful Christmas! I've been so fortunate to get to spend time with some of my favorite people in the whole of life! I got to hang out a lot with Ape, who is the most fun person ever, and I got to spend some quality time with my mom and with my Daddy ad with my Olive. Having such a happy time at home makes it incredibly hard to go back to my life in Chattanooga, but I'm fortunate to have both my worlds. I wish I could take the best parts of both places and roll them together. Sadly, it doesn't work that way. I wish I could get my head straight and decide once and for all where I belong, but it's not that simple. Luckily, though, it's just a two-hour drive. :)

I love you.

Hayley

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

Well, at my house today it was more like pecans burning in the oven, but I digress.

It's the eve of the eve of Christmas and I am so thankful to have gotten to spend the last few days with a few of my best friends and my family. I have really amazing people in my life and I miss the ones who do not live in my town.

Yesterday I got to hang with my baby bro, Gabriel and went bowling with him and Pop and my uncle, DoonerHead. My uncle is approximately a dumbass. And I mean that in the most positive way. He is a hilarious dumbass! Although, I was very frustrated because typically I whoop everyone's behinds in bowling but I only beat Gabriel! Pop KILLED us! And I only bowled A 146 and a 128. Sucktacular. Pop and Bruce both beat me. Plus there were screaming children in the lane next to us and if you've ever heard me mention the "babies on spikes" bit, you know how I felt about that!

Today I got to hang out with my best girls from high school, Katie-did and ShPamela. We went to get Pamela a maid of honor dress for Katie's wedding. Katie is getting married in June in Chattanooga and I could not be more excited for her! I will say, though that I most certainly do not feel like I am old enough (read: mature enough) to have friends who are married and starting families and careers and blah blah blah blah blah. It's SO weird and I am totally not there yet. It was like listening to Crystal talk about teaching her 5th grade class. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. Crystal is in charge of Children?! There is something SO crazy about that! Ahhh! AND Reigan works for American Express in NYC in charge of marketing one of their credit cards and Pamela works for Jesus in Minnesota and Katie's a sub and Allison's gonna be a Public Defender and Yan and Robyn are both going to be brain surgeons and Morgan's on Broadway and Maria's on tour and everyone's getting married and I AM NOT READY FOR THIS!!! Ahhhhhh!!!

But, I am just so proud of and happy for all of my friends, truly. It just seems like it was not so long ago that we were all actin' a fool in high school. We're still 18 right?! Gah. I'm thankful for all of them and the lives we've begun carving out for ourselves. I love y'all.

xoxo,

Haylezzzzz

April

Today, I have decided to highlight one of my best friends, April. I am thankful for Ape for a number of reasons but mainly for the following:

1. She is always there for me.

2. She is pretty.

3. She is smart.

4. She is fun! We have a tendency to have fun wherever we are!

5. She likes to dance!

6. She loves Hanson.

7. She's been to visit me in Chattanooga.

8. She works hard.

9. She tries to be the best person she can be and makes no excuses for being who she is.

10. She loves Cheesecake. (I miss our Cheesecake dates!)

11. She is pretty Gangsta.

12. She enjoys car dancing to NSync.

12. There are lots of other reasons, but mainly I just love her and am thankful that she is my best friend. You should all be so lucky to have a bestie like her!

And, just for fun, here are some of my fave photos of us being silly and, well just generally being us:

This is us being pretty.

This is us with Sarah, celebrating Christmas in ugly sweaters.

This is us as Hannah Montana and Lily on Halloween.

Here we are being pretty gangsta.

I am very thankful for my friends! I love you all!!

xoxo,

Hayley